Sensory at its best . . .

Wonderful things happen when a hiatus occurs.  Right?  Well, that quite possibly could be one way to look at it.  I mean, how else could I fathom an excuse of not being online for such a long time?  Perhaps I was trying to gather my thoughts, in an attempt to create the BEST POST EVER . . . Maybe it was because I was doing ample research for a new opportunity that just caused me to ponder . . . Whatever it has been, has indeed made the thoughts forcefully purge themselves into a new blog.  So, I guess those absent days were worth it.

It has been almost one year since my last blog post.  I've written new material.  I've even managed to get a few songs posted on my YouTube site.  And yet, it is only now that I've sat down and written a few words to my literary community.  Shocking!

As I sit at this library desktop, listening to myself play "Revising The Days"  (shamelessly promoting myself), I become intrigued at what I've put myself through -- in regards to my writing.  These past few months have been a transition, both geographically, job wise and everything that goes along with it.  But I've stayed positive through it all.  I tell myself, just what I told you all:  those absent days at what I initially LOVE, have been worth it; it will work out in the long run; I just have to persevere; I'm destined for much more than what I'm currently attached to; and that there's only so many more weeks/months until I'm right where I need to be.

Funny that that could have been my mentality post high school, undergrad or even post grad.  And yet months later from that, I sit here, thinking about my future.  Thinking of where I want.  No, NEED to be.  And how long it will take me to get there.  Patience.  That's where I stand right now.  I stand on the preparation side of things, waiting until it lines up.  And although I understand that things don't always go according to plan (I've learned from quite the experiences), I plan anyway.

So, that's what I'm doing, in order to make myself feel better about not going all out on my dreams.  About not posting enough music videos on my YouTube account.  About not posting more blogs on this site.  And about not getting to my ideal destination fast enough.  I plan.  And one day, I'll be blogging from where my plans have met up.

But until then . . . that's what's going on. 

Between Nothing

Holding on to something that isn't there?  Questions seem to be what continue running through your head whenever you're trying to escape.  Escape the fact you have NO answers to them.

Why is it that when you close your eyes, in an attempt to concentrate on change, nothing does?  And when you open those same eyes, everything is passing?  Except your own thoughts.

Is it a disorder that plagues my mind, and drives my stability wild?  Is it beyond frustration which pushes my thoughts over the edge?  I don't know.  This late evening/early morning I sit here, in full regret.  Trying to change these thoughts, but at the same time knowing it would be easier, and maybe better if I did what they are telling me . . . I fight it.  I try to anyway.  Feelings of being a disappointment.  I stay awake planning my own demise.  I plan to be free someday.  But that someday lurks in the back of my mind.  Each day I feel this way, and walk out like I'm fine . . . I'm not fine.  And when I return I know I want to to be.  Closeness, which some people long for, I dread.  Because just the thought of a nearing touch shocks me to the core.  Like a debilitating punch to the heart.   I hide it very well.  Some people don't bring that out of me.  But it's all too often I sit in the dark, wanting nothing.  Nothing but for the darkness to continue.  Until my senses break down, and I am emotionless.

Going from happy to sad in such a short span, and not wanting to stay in the happy -- I'm over it.  I've come to the point where I feel I made enough of an impact to now be free.  And I want to really want that.  Yet I feel torn with letting those I love down.  And then the vicious hatred of myself and the disappointment come back in.  I've failed to be free.  I've failed to live up to my expectations.  Not that life is too bad to continue, and I'm giving up.  But I've decided I don't want to continue wasting precious moments where other people can live, love and be happy, without thinking of me.  I know that sadness for some people arrive and disappear.  For me it lingers.  But for those who can turn that switch off, my leaving won't destroy them as much as staying (for me) would.

These thoughts border between action and nothing.  So I continue contemplating until a decision is made.  Until then, I leave myself with these words from Secondhand Serenade:

"So please let me be free from you.  Please let me be free.  I can face the truth . . . "

Much Love,

~Kyra C.

Nathan Bransford, Author: How to Know You're a Writer (In GIF Form)

Nathan Bransford, Author: How to Know You're a Writer (In GIF Form): Any time you're not writing your novel you're still thinking about your novel: When people ask you for your thoughts on their...

Just Do It . . .

You can sit inside a coffee shop -- where you're going to begin to reek of coffee beans.  You can constantly make lists -- which slowly get checked off.  Or, you can just get back to work.  Now, I'm not totally speaking of procrastination.  I'm talking about that little urge one gets when they're half focused and half perturbed at not being completely there.  I'm talking about the minute when you're working on something and then you lose your work, before hitting SAVE.  I'm discussing the moment when your deadline hits and it's already the next day.  Nike has a motto for continuance.  Right?  Well, that crap doesn't always work.  "Just do it . . ."  That only works when complete concentration is there.  It only works when you want it badly.

Getting work done, means putting in the work.  It means sucking it up, and just doing it.  When your recording a song, it means -- take after take, keep going until it's where it needs to be.  If you're working on a blog post (hey there), it means to continue writing until you hit, "publish," and you're fine with the outcome.  Although for some of us writers, you're never really all that happy with the outcome -- not entirely.  And lastly, for those of us that write larger pieces -- it's about starting, no matter how early or late, and continuing until you feel that click inside -- that part that says, YOU'VE GOT IT . . . KEEP GOING.  When you make it to that moment, that's when no time frame, no smell of coffee beans, and no abundantly insane lists make you cringe.  That's when you know you can do it.  That's when Nike makes a valid point.  That's the moment in where you can't think of anything else, but to keep writing.  And you do.  You Just Do It.

Stopping to save lives?

So, what happened to me today? 

I guess there is a reason behind being in the right place at the right time.  Less than one hour ago (around 6:45pm or 7:00pm), while biking back -- taking my normal route -- I spotted something strange happening.  No, the immovable traffic was not that . . .  Well, not entirely.  No, I witnessed stopped traffic, because there was a guy behind the wheel of a KIA, trying to go onto the freeway, from the exit ramp.  Yes, bizarre, I know.  But that wasn't the weirdest part.  The most surreal part was, get this, no one wanted to help.  Instead, everyone's first reaction was to just blow their horns and proceed to scream at the unaware, elderly gentleman.

Not me, however -- I didn't know it before my bike trip, but I guess I was ready for anything.  I jumped off my bike, once I crossed the intersection -- and walked up to the mans car.  Fortunately his passenger window was slightly down, so I could get my words to him.  I stayed with him, trying to calm him down.  He didn't have to show it, but I knew he had to be terrified:  everyone staring at him, mostly because he was going onto ongoing exit ramp freeway traffic, but also because this was out of the norm.  I spoke ever so gently, trying to ease his mind.  While also keeping an eye on the cars that were unsure what was going on.  I asked questions, just as if my American Red Cross training kicked in -- just in time.  Yes, I knew how to check if someone was incoherent, and no, just because he was trying to enter an exit ramp, did not justify my assessment.  I continued to ask him question after question.  I made sure to assure the other drivers that I was doing something to hopefully prevent him from crashing into ANYONE. 

Well, lets just say the questions were answered in a round-about way, where everything was done with a "yes," and head nod.  Obviously he wasn't okay.  And neither was the situation.  Even some of the stopped traffic goers -- the non douchebag ones (who yelled at the guy, and myself) offered and did call the Police.  I called too.  Hey, the more officers, the better.  Because I had been there for such a long time, I guess people began to think I was part of the situation.  And partially that was correct.  I was trying to prevent any harmful ordeal. 

After about 10 minutes of getting the elderly gentleman to look at me, and stop his car -- leading into him putting his car back in drive and inching up ever so frighteningly, I had had enough of my own bartering.  I had to make a defensive choice.  And this was completely imposing to him -- but I had to enter his vehicle (good thing it was unlocked) without his permission.  I had asked him to either put his car in Reverse, or Park -- but with his mental state, he'd just go back into Drive every few moments.

So, I asked one more time, and then I just went in.  I opened his door, realized his car was an Automatic -- I quickly put his car in Park and took his keys out of the ignition.  After that, I knew it would be okay -- for the other cars.  But for him, I was still unsure.  Officer Baldwin of the FHPD arrived on the scene in a good amount of time, and that's when I could release my first breath of fresh air.  A trained person had shown up.  Officer Baldwin came over, and I told him what happened (what I just told you guys), and then I gave him the keys.  He told me what I wasn't even thinking at that moment:  that I might have saved someones life.  Especially since it looked as if nobody else wanted to step up and do the right thing.  That by comforting the elderly man, and quickly taking action, I made sure no damage occurred. 

I didn't leave once the officer arrived.  I made sure to stay with the gentleman until the combined Fire Rescue and Ambulance showed up.  And even after that, I waited with him, right up until they loaded him onto a stretcher and into the EMS.  If he didn't think he had anyone, he had me. 

Gawkers . . . It amazes me how many times we see gawkers and get mad that they're holding up the flow of traffic, yet we never think about why it's happening.  Or whether the people halting the traffic are trying to make a difference . . . It's just fascinating.  Don't you think? 

On the way back from biking another 12 miles . . . I was just in the right place at the right time. 

I guess that's the good thing about taking a bike, instead of a car . . .

Layered

 

This is what most people think of, when they think of children:  an open space; a jungle gym; a peaceful day.  And yet it's empty.  There are no inhabitants.  Nothing but wildlife to run a muck   The way that it was originally intended to be.  A preserve for those who were here prior to the construction of pieced land.  Animals sneaking their way into the grass, flying so low, so that they can have what humans have made theirs.  Almost as if that small patch is their journey home.  Like Dorothy, just hoping to find their way back.  Back into their reality:  nature.  Untouched by human hand or machine.  Preserved, and still reserved for their rights.  To roam, jump, fly, or climb, just like any other human (minus the flying -- unless on a swing  :-p).

Inspiration comes from Dedication

Wow, I can honestly say, this Act II revision is going insane.  And definitely in a good way.  I am scraping so many of my original material, and starting fresh -- just in time to hit SEND and submit my very last assignment for my Third MFA semester.  I have been given such a huge push of motivation, after hearing of my Mentor's Writing Binge.  I'm guessing that's the way I'm going to attack my Fall Residency manuscripts -- which are soon approaching.  Two new files to send, and then it's back to reading hundreds and hundreds of pages of scripts, prose and whatnot.  AWESOME.  I'm beyond stoked.  In exactly five weeks I'll be on another adventure.  One that I've been waiting for, for such a long time.  Now, back to work.  Because I get my cues from my Mentor -- I'm only taking this short break, and then it's back to finishing this assignment, even stronger than I started!

Pushing the Pedal(s)

Another day of Insanity.  Another day with a new-ish workout regiment, including supplements.  And another day of pushing myself to the limit, by including way more cardio than I should have ever thought of doing.  Not that I can't get it done.  But, after already doing one hour of Insanity and extra exercises that I've created, I decide to go for a 15 mile bike ride.  Granted the morning workouts give me so much needed energy to get through the day -- biking in heat with the sun baring down on me . . . Not the smartest thing to do.  Still, I feel great.  That is until I reach those HILLS.  The capitalization is what I feel when I lay eyes on them:  the death incline.  :-o  It's as if I begin to lose my energy just by glancing at the steepness.  At points I sit up higher, and push down even harder on the pedals.  Going.  Moving.  Getting a distance.  But then something happens.  I realize the wind is beginning to blow -- right at me.  So, I push harder.  Until I feel my tendons arguing with me.  Yes, my muscles talk.  Maybe I should listen?  :-p

I continue, but at a different pace.  I decide to move one pedal at a time.  This time, not overly exerting myself.  Yet in the process, I have absolutely NO speed, therefore I am almost at the point of going backwards down the incline.  So instead of making the partial trek almost unbearable, I just get off and walk the half way uphill, until I reach the top.  And after I get there, it's downhill AWESOMENESS.  That is, until I get to a driveway or blind spot area, where I know I'll have to quickly slow down, losing my speed, cut my thrill, and STOP.  Hoping my brakes get the memo, and do just that.  15 miles to accomplish, and I know on the way back, it's another set of hills.  And maybe even more sun.  Maybe I should have opted to just bike to the gym and do indoor cycling.  But there's just something about being out on the open road (minus the cars), iPod of bikeable tunes, and a clear mind.  There's something about losing yourself in the knowledge that you're just going for a ride.  Even if you've traveled that same path many times before, there's still a possibility of something new.  And who knows, you might just discover a new path.

So, you keep going.  Letting the road, wind, and music take you where you feel like going.  And after those 15 miles and early morning workouts, you feel like going, once more.

Out with the Old

I guess my high school reunion is going to be happening soon . . . Well, relatively soon, as in a few years.  I use to be under the impression one was to think about going to these things.  Like we were all waiting to see one another and catch up.  However, because of multiple social networking sites, there's really no need to go to one.  Granted it's a personal and face-to-face connection versus online communication -- still, hasn't one learned enough from the people they are waiting to meet up with?  Older people use to speak of how they hadn't seen their classmates for over 10+ years and how excited they were to be in the same room, again.  And that got me thinking:  Do I really want to waste my time being there?  Not that I wouldn't gain anything from attending.  I'm sure if I worked hard at trying, I could get something out of being there.  But unfortunately, there are no mysteries of reuniting with people whom you already know most things about.  Again, not that I'm saying everyone discusses EVERYTHING about themselves, and then posts that online -- but the majority of people who might attend, you've already been filled in with their life journey:  children, married, married with children, school, working, graduating, getting close to graduating, etc.  There aren't really that many other options, besides the human inevitable; ceasing to exist.

Welp, I guess that's my venting for now.  I'm going to go ahead and retreat from this blog, and get back to what I need to focus on:  Revisions and Submissions.  Oh, and hitting SEND.  I promise that in  the next blog, I'll be more forgiving . . .  :-p

Where'd that come from?

I've been doing Insanity for a few weeks now, and I can honestly say I'm seeing results. Not only have I become even more energetic (if that is at all possible), but I've also realized bruising on my arms (I don't like tanning, so it's extremely noticeable). Now, with the inclusion of my newest workout, diet and overall fitness changes, I'm a bit confused as to how these bruises are forming, especially when I don't feel them . . . I MUST figure this out, before my arm turns into one giant red bruise.

What am I up to these days?

Insanity and Hills

Today was another day of Insanity, and whoa, it's beyond intense! I'll elaborate further, but since I'm also coming back from the craziness of the outdoors: biking for 5+ miles in a rain/snow (yes, there was sleet) mixture, I'm going to refuel on some nutrients and H2O.

Speak soon.

Unreal Connections

Have you ever met someone that you wished you could be close to?  Nothing too intimate -- just great friends?  Or better yet, have you ever become friends with someone you never in your mind imagined forming a connection with?  It's amazing how many great buddies you can make when you stop focusing on what you think you already know.  When you realize closed minded characteristics are what can cause a possibly good thing from happening.

Through my many travels, here and there -- mostly there, I've had many encounters with new faces, and by giving those people a chance, was able to form new friendships.  The strangely frightening moment of meeting someone new is when you're standing within distance of them and you feel the urge to make conversation, but have no idea as to what to say.  I mean, is there a commonality?  You know, besides you both being in the same place at the same time?

In the Midst of Two Homes

**Picture taken from the "Down with Detroit" Facebook page.**

L[ink]ed

This is part one of my newest history lesson . . . Part two will be done in a month or so. I just felt the need to incorporate more of what I love, including what makes me, me.  So, enjoy the pictures, dudes!  And FYI, yes, this is my arm (left to be precise.) 

Almost Finished . . .

If it weren't bad enough this semester was going by way too fast, today I officially registered for my last full semester as an MFA student.  The e-mail had plagued my mailbox for a small amount of days, but as I continued to scan it, leading up to today, it crossed my mind that once the class schedule was in the system, I would be just that much closer to the end.  Maybe it's a tad bit over dramatic, but still. With the thought of forming a graduating seminar, a thesis, and finally a few more plays -- all crowding my mind, I went ahead and submit.  Not "giving up," but, I made it official.  In less than two months I will be finishing my third semester of Grad school.  In less than three months I'll be beginning my fourth semester.  Geez!  And in, oh, only nine more months, I'll be, hopefully, a new graduate with a Master of Fine Arts degree.  But that couldn't have taken place if I didn't first register for my last full semester.  Now, I'm not complaining (too much), but I am indeed excited to get to that next step.  With that in mind, I am extremely wanting to also stay in this moment of IS courses, Craft Essays, and working on new ideas and plays (not that that will change in the future) -- the terror of the finite is what is taking my mind on this insane roller coaster of doom-atic thoughts.  I'm almost finished . . . Well, I don't want to be.  And yet, I can't wait to graduate, and prove to myself I had what it took to make it, again.  I want my own personal gratification of completion -- completing one of the toughest feats I could have done: Grad school.

Spring? I guess it's finally here . . .

Detroit: Managing an Ongoing Emergency Part 1

DETROIT . . .

I have tried to refrain from creating posts that are politically based, although I, along with many friends and colleagues know my political side.  But, unfortunately after reading and watching the constant reminders of how badly Detroit has been "progressing," I have decided to break my imaginary rule and speak on it (this post will serve as part one).  Seems fit, especially since those same politicians who have sat back and done nothing for their city have spoken, too much.

Detroit, to some is a large metropolitan city.  Home to others, myself included.  Detroit, a mostly urban populated city, who goes by a plethora of nicknames:  D-Town, The Motor City, 313, Motown, "Murder Capital" (not a legit name for this place, as many others have seen their fair share of crime).  Whichever name it goes by, the people who have lived there or still reside here, need to respond to the constant reminders of the economy, but more importantly Detroit's economy.

For many years Detroit has been the laughing stock of several news sources around the country, and mostly to the suburban  counties and cities that surround the states largest city.  And although some have come up with plausible solutions to changing the image of Detroit, it has still been going under financially.

If we must discuss the school solution, that would take another post (which guaranteed I will do). 

As it stands with managing a city of such a large proportion, a government would need to step out of their own bubble and decide what is best for its citizens and the growth of its place.

At one point Detroit was a major metropolitan city with so many opportunities:  the auto industry, Motown, etc -- but those examples have dwindled and some have relocated -- except for the auto industry, which like the forward moving people of Detroit, they bounce back and continue to think of fresh ideas.  Here's a New idea:  Make way for the new Emergency Financial Manager (EFM), Kevyn Orr.  As much as it disturbs others that this one person is in place to "control" Detroit, what should be most ridiculous is how many other people could not handle their own positions in helping the city stay afloat.  Many years have passed with an abundance of politicians taking office;  city counsel, mayors, governors and such, yet still Detroit continued to fall by the wayside.  Not too mention the lack of support in the school systems -- be it the children suffering because a lack of literacy or the promising teachers who fight to provide a great education for their students, only to be given constant pink slips at the end of each year -- reminding them their job of ensuring a bright future for the youth is NOT valued.

Yes, Detroit has managed, somehow, for all those years.  But that does not mean it was or is in decent shape.  Yes the state of Michigan -- Lansing to be specific owes the city of Detroit, Millions of dollars, which seems unlikely to be paid out anytime soon.  And yes, some of the more asinine citizens voted for a corrupt mayor (once, and twice, again) to take office -- and FINALLY he is receiving the punishment he deserves.  But with all of it, should Detroit have managed for all those years?  Or should its focus been to thrive?


Detroit needs A change.  Detroit needs TO change.  Detroit must FINALLY focus on its future -- people included.

March IS Madness

Betting on NCAA Tournament futures reflects wide-open college basketball season


Even I get carried away during March.  And no, I'm not Irish, so it's not because of St. Patrick's Day.  It's possibly the cause of going to and graduating from a Big Ten university -- Yes, March Madness is major for me. I've never bet actual money, but I do enjoy the occasional bracket(s). And after reading a post from the above site, I now can sit back and watch as the "betters" go wild trying to decide which school they want to place money on.  Not that I'm opposed to gambling, but I do know that with all the money that comes from Vegas and other places, in regards to lotteries and other bets, education could be better funded.  Just thinking of the cross contamination of education and gambling, makes me turn my focus onto Michigan -- being that I'm originally from here and grew up here as well.

It makes me think of the state of Michigan and how the Michigan Lottery claims they give a portion of the funds to education in its state (http://michigan.gov/lottery/0,1607,7-110-888-3454--,00.html).  Maybe it's a lie.  Or, maybe they do.    And if that is the case (some truth), why not just give money to the schools firsthand?

Geez I've gone from a light post about basketball, right back into a much needed post about political mishaps.  Let me go back to what I started with.  And don't worry, I'll resume the other  topic relatively soon.

March Madness -- It's great to relax and be with friends who either cheer for your favorite team and/or Alma mater, or even friends that have another team to root for.  Competition is key!  This month = extreme basketball. It's almost humorous how in March, most people concentrate on college hoops than their beloved pro teams. But that doesn't really matter. All that means anything for March Madness -- for me anyway -- is your loyalty to a team. When comprising a bracket, many of us choose to make our favorite team to win the title. Even if they don't stand a chance (in the standings), we still pick them. But I was happy to see that in the NCAA tourney link, they were strongly going with my team -- MSU.  Not that their opinion would make me revise my bracket, but still, it's March and the more people that side with your favorite team -- that makes each game even more exciting.  So my bracket stands, the same as it has for the past few years -- even if each teams rankings/standings continue to flop, my number #1 team will ALWAYS be the Michigan State University Spartans!

     

                                                                Go Green!

                                                                Go White!

                                                                Go State! 

*Photos from Bing and MSU Website*

Tunnel Of Oppression 2013

This is the poster (courtesy of Zain Shamoon -- the main director for the show) for 2013's showcase of Tunnel Of Oppression, which takes place at Michigan State University.  This is my fourth year working with Tunnel.  In the past I've acted, co-directed, co-produced, wrote and co-wrote for the showcase.  This semester I'm excited, again, because I should be able to see the showing -- the last time I was far away . . .

I'll post an in depth blog on next week, about the program.  The shows take place on both Monday, March 18, 2013 and Tuesday, March 19, 2013 inside the MSU Union.  There are three shows on each night, 6pm, 7pm and 8pm.  If anyone in the Greater Lansing, Metro Detroit or MSU community want to attend, it's FREE, so come see what is guaranteed to be a memorable experience!

If you'd like to know more about Tunnel, click below:  http://statenews.com/index.php/article/2012/03/tunnel_enlightens_students