Truth or Nothing

Truth or Nothing

My eyes hurt from crying

My heart hurts from holding it in

And still I can’t tell you

Because I dread the hurt you’d feel

The hurt I would cause if you knew

So I walk past, holding my breath as you ask

What’s wrong?

You can sense something

You must know

Only a mother can notice a quiet change

When did you notice?

Was it when I let out a sniffle?

Said my allergies were the cause of my blood shot eyes?

The eyes that had seen a nonstop flow of salty tears, that forced me to catch my breath

The same eyes that focused on yours, and said I was okay

When did you know?

Do you know?

What do you think was wrong?

Can I even ask without admitting there was something wrong?

My eyes still hurt from crying

And my heart squeezes in anger for holding it in

But I still can’t tell you

Because I’d dread the hurt you’d feel

So I’ll take the pain, just to spare you my truth

Summer . . .

There's a quiet serenity that takes over a campus during summer vacation -- a seemingly private whisper, as the leaves sway.  The moment when all confusion is removed, and the only idea is clear skies NOT breaking.  An environment where people once trekked to and from, not noticing the beauty around them.  To only realize it, as the breeze stops, the leaves prohibit themselves from shaking, or changing color.  The fascination with birds, squirrels, and all nature -- they become one.  If only for a mere few months -- all nature resides in a commonality; of peace and quiet serenity.

The packed classrooms, are now empty.  The crowded buses, are cleared.  The subways . . . well, they're still in use.  The streets are filled with smiling inhabitants, packing for their annual trip to the "Cod," or the "Hamptons" and the only people visibly maneuvering through the streets, are either tourists, or locals with no need for travel.

It's funny how many people we look past, when they are EVERYWHERE.  And when that crowd disappears, for some, so does that ignorance.  The want to walk past someone; pretending they aren't seen, just because you don't want to be bothered.  That moment when you look down a corner, and there are more than six cardboard cots lined up . . . You turn up your headphones, turn your head, or proceed to pantomime a phone conversation, just so you aren't approached.  Well, that moment seems too irrelevant.  There are no longer a thousand people crowding the streets, so you cannot walk away.  Their faces are clearer, in a sense, you see their shame of lying on the ground.  You see them, as you jog through the park, exit the station, bike towards the River -- they are still there.  Many people have deserted the area(s), but they still have NOWHERE else to go.

There is no Cape Cod, no Hamptons, no summer vacation to another state.  There is only a move; to another corner, another street, maybe even another town nearby.  But they remain, the same people -- the same during each semester.  When you're running late and running away from a quick conversation, they are waiting, patiently.  When you're getting ready to pack up for another destination -- they are still visible.

There will always be a quiet serenity that takes over a campus during summer months.  It doesn't matter which campus, there will always be less people;  to meet, to speak to, to avoid, to walk past.  But just as you would stop to caress the leaves, or feed an animal, or possibly take a run -- why not clear a moment and break a habit?  Why not take a second to provide serenity for someone else?  It only takes a few moments, when you really have an entire summer.

Much Love,

~Kyra C.