"My Way"

So, I'm still at the computer, avoiding my tasks -- which are finishing these assignments and sending them off . . . I get that once I've completed everything, I'll have more time to break and relax, however for some odd reason, I just can't get myself to write . . . I mean, it's not like there's too much of writers block going on.  The only sort of explanation I can give to myself is, procrastination is taking over.  And that's most certainly not a good thing.

I've made lists,  started the aforementioned assignments -- even went as far as having the notes that I wrote out, lying next to the computer . . . Still, nothing.  I'm not finished.  I'm nowhere near finished, and this is driving me insane.  *Speak of the devil -- I get a phone call, which I have to pick up -- but I shouldn't have . . .*

I wish I could -- You know what, I think I'll make myself another vow . . . One that always worked as an undergrad.  I'm going to chillax, once more (for one hour), then I'm going to write in isolation, until EVERYTHING is complete, revised, again, and sent off (by the deadline).  Then and only then, will I need to take another nap, or gosh forbid, sleep.  Yeah, I'm planning on pulling my first Grad School All-Nighter!!  So, wish me luck . . . :-p

Peace Out Dudes and I'll check in later -- Much!

~Kyra C.

"The Shame"

Sitting here, listening to Alex Cornish's "The Shame" and trying to figure out why with all of my upbeat energy, I always seem to fall into another dimension of numbness . . . Today should have been a great day, where everything had been taken care of  -- I would be relaxed and ready for tomorrow's big day.  But somehow things didn't go according to plan -- My plan.  And even now, I seem to have found myself changing the positive habits, for the old vices that use to keep me complacent.  In that moment where you don't want to smile, laugh . . . You just want to SCREAM, into a pillow, and feel like you're okay.

Tomorrow may be the big day, however I've had to make many decisions on what not to do and as much as it hurts, I cannot have the happiness that I really want.  I just need to settle on what could possibly turn into a happy moment -- Even if it's by isolating my subconscious and racing until the end.

I'm slowing down, running from the truth -- I can't really change this.  I can't really change me.  And why should I continue to try and force the inevitable? This just has to be the way;  My way.

~Kyra C.

"Don't laugh too hard, something bad will happen"

As I sat in the classroom, pondering the thought of a ten minute write, of something as abstract as putting together a story with only a few key prompts -- my shift became apparent, it was going to be about music -- of course.  So, as I sit, today, stroking the keyboard in anticipation of putting paper onto a white screen, I delve into my own personal music library and just sing . . . Sing, internally, and forget about the prolonged silence held within this room.  I type.

"Don't laugh too hard, something bad will happen"

It amazes me;  the synchronicity of each step, as the drummer's leg leave the ground.  Pulsating with extended vibrato, when the mallet pounces into the base drum.  BOOM.  BOOM.  Then, silence.  Almost as if to shift from reality, to death . . . As absurd as humanly possible, the drummer, freezes in place.  Sweat drenching the uniform, eyes glazed;  yet trapped under a helmet.  Stand still.  No one moves . . . A camera follows each angle, until there's enough to capture a full scale.  CRASH.  Not one person looks around.  Eyes fixated onto the distance;  no one looks toward the sound.  It's unimaginable, like tiny soldiers, the drummer's peer over.  Head's still in place, just to gaze at the cause for sound:  A mallet hit the ground.  What to do . . . A snicker protruding from silence?  Absolutely not.  Don't laugh too hard, something bad will happen, echo's within.  Yet, at that moment, nothing could be worse.

And as I've typed my last word and finalized with a period, I say goodbye -- or so long.  I will be back with yet another story.  But for now . . . Silence. :-p

Much Love!!  Peace out, dudes.

~Kyra C.

"Superman or In My Veins . . ."

Sitting here, listening to Five For Fighting and Andrew Belle and pondering the thought that, in less than nine weeks, I will set off on my next journey, and that somehow brings me joy with a slightly fathomable cringe.  I have wished for a while, to figure out my definitive post graduation plans and with this summer passing by, my sights were clear . . . With that being said, the mention of newer horizons can push me to question that further out stepping stone;  what happens after Grad school.  Just like Andrew sings, "everything will change . . . Nothing stays the same . . ." This is what gets me to feel the isolation that only resides in my mind, because I am surrounded by great possibilities and beings.

Shaking that doubt is where the next step shall be, however it seems easier to sit and ponder what should be a clear discovery and not a mapped out "road trip."  So I guess I'll figure things out within the time allotted and drive towards my dreams of finding the reality that is, 'my goals,' while continuing on THIS journey.

Well, I need to get going.

~Kyra C.

"What Happens Now?"

Just sitting in my room, as the boxes and packaged areas, try and consume me from the inside.  Listening to Cold and gathering my thoughts, because I'll soon be leaving this gorgeous city/school and moving.  I guess it's that type of deja vu that doesn't give me the reasoning of feeling this way entirely . . . I'll be back up here for my Wednesday, August 3, 2011 performance at Lansing, Michigan's Rum Runner's Dueling Piano Bar, for an Open Mic Performance.  I'm super excited to be getting the chance to do this and yes, return back to my lovely atmosphere.  Although, it won't be for that long of a duration, I will still take it in, as if I'm holding on to my present for just a few more hours, before I edge into the future.

It makes me cringe at the fact, soon I will have to make a new life and create a new family (still keeping my sane and loving ones) in my new location . . . In hopes that everything goes according to plan, I make plans.  Even if they are strictly detailed or just minute with details, I still create them.  My music tour across the States is on the planned list and my hopes are to get people to appreciate my style and my music, but I always know things don't always go the way you'd hope, which leads me to my title ("What Happens Now?") . . . If people don't get my music, what does that mean; my music 'sucks'?  I just need to go to Grad School?  I should take a break and refocus on something more career appropriate?  What does that say about my plans . . . All I can do, is hope and plan for the best and pray that everything aligns in the manner that I believe it should.  I truly feel this is my path and that I can be just as successful at it, as if I chose another journey.  I've always said, "I've always wanted to truly be happy. Even when things are super tough and I know they aren't going to change, I still force a smile - In hopes that I will believe my external happiness and internally feel the same." and I need to believe in that statement, just as much now as I formally did.

This is not the time to waiver on my hopes, dreams, goals and whatnot, but it's time to strive for that future of possibilities that will lead me to my love.  I type onto this laptop and into this blog, feeling the pressure slowly subside, and even the boxes around me don't seem to pile on my anxious feelings, but gradually put things in perspective.  I'm a recent graduate - I set out to graduate from Michigan State University, which I did.  CHECK.  My family saw that happen.  CHECK.  I did every job and/or activity that I wanted to and learned from.  CHECK.  I made strong ties with many people.  CHECK.  I fell in love with my community.  CHECK.  I can honestly say that I conquered my time at State and now I can only hope to do the same in my new destination.

So, "what happens now" . . . Well, that's whatever happens, but I know it will most certainly be something great! :-p

Much Love and Take Care Dudes,

~Kyra C.

"Love Will Tear Us Apart"

So, I just returned from my evening workout; taking in the scenery; feeling the warmish breeze; trusting the wind, as it blew on my face.  Remembering that all this will soon change, in just a matter of weeks.  Everything will be new.  No more immediate comfort.  No more feeling like it's just deja vu . . . I'll have to work on my serenity somewhere strange.  My soundtrack of life will soon be updated with whatever can make me feel secure, as I travel around to the areas of unknown.  Don't get me wrong - I'm looking forward to the adventure, or adventures as they present themselves.  I just cannot fathom my life without what I've come to know and call home:  my friends, job, campus, housing, love - my life.  "And that's just the way it goes;  falling awake . . ." as Gary Jules would say.  As I type onto this keyboard, my time is decreasing and soon my anticipation will increase into unimaginable nervous behavior.  I love my life, now.  I just hope I love it in the near future.

Well, I have to get going.

Peace Out Dudes and Much Love,

~Kyra C. 

"That's What Friends Are For"

Super happy, because I just finished a great music rehearsal with my guitar and my beloved clarinet.  It's been awhile since I've fully played my Artley and I'm glad muscle memory and studiousness have prevailed and I can still play well.  :-p  Just sitting in my room, listening to some Dionne Warwick music (hence the title).  I love good music . . . I'm so about to get back to another rehearsal, because my future begins soon and I want to be able to utilize all of my skills by continuing to learn and practice.  Well, enough of this scattered blog - I've got to get going.

Peace Out Dudes,

~Kyra C.