These past few weeks have been some of the most bizarre times I have had. I guess it started with my third semester residency as an MFA student. Possibly it was because I had to take that trek, the one that I embarked on over a year prior. And after that residency ended, I was back on the move. This time I didn't get to stay put where my heart wanted me to be. This time I was torn.
As I rode that Amtrack state-to-state, I remembered the adventures I passed up, just by going in that direction. With only a few days to let loose, I decided to go back. Visit. Be around the familiar. But what to me began as a frightful beginning; my new home away from 'home;' my familiar, had turned into a farewell. I was leaving, again, and this time I didn't really want to. I felt home -- although it wasn't my original place of destination -- it was still safe. It was what I grew to know. And ultimately love. I was taking an oh, so repetitive trip back.
Funny how I wanted nothing but to get away from the same, that I was managing to forget the way out. I had worked so hard to leave this place, and it took strange circumstances (I'll get into later) to bring me back. But for how long? Where was my heart? Was I to become stagnant? Could I make a change -- knowing I had, but nobody else did? More importantly, how was I going to grow, artistically, being back where it started?
Trust me, these were questions I asked myself as I packed, boarded the train, sat for those 18+ hours and then departed. And I'm still asking them now. Did I get so use to the awesomeness around me after I left, that I couldn't realize the gem that was once there? I don't know. And maybe that's something I need to investigate. I take that back -- that's something I'll totally look into. Because I'm here now, and I have to make it work. I can't afford any more insanity trips (another story I'll get to later), especially with this being the semester before my thesis. So, I have to get to work. Whatever way possible -- I have to make it work. And I have to stop those pestering thoughts that want to deprive me of my next adventure.
I HAVE TO STAY FOCUSED.
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