Landslide

Sitting at the desk of heat and doom. :-p Well, not really, but it sure does feel that way, come 4am . . . Well, if you were one of "us", you'd know why. Just sitting at this desk, listening to some Dixie Chicks. Yes, I said, Dixie Chicks. So, what's new - I love country music, but what's new? :-p Forming a super authentic opinion of those amazing lyrics that Fleetwood Mac wrote and Martie, Emily and Natalie successfully belted out, time and again. It just feels so timeless when you really think about it . . .

"Can the child within my heart rise above?  Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?" If that doesn't make you think, maybe "Well, I've been afraid of changin' 'Cause I've built my life around you . . ."

Will totally put living in place for you. Can you imagine so many people that depend on someone else to make them happy or that special person that they "cannot live without"? Yeah, think about it. I'm not saying that you should never depend on someone - Maybe your family or a totally close and reliable friend, but in actuality, the one person that you should be able to rely on the most, is your self (don't be upset, my Christian friends - I know God comes first . . . I'm just focusing on the external realm and not the spiritual being).

When I think of the lyrics above and the fact that, yes, maybe out of context, they are not what is really occurring in the writers minds, but what I have in fact, decided the song means (to me) - I feel as if the singer is basically stating why they feel the need to revolt from society's mindset of reliance or maybe just become their own person and regard their own feelings as important and trying to find acceptance within themselves . . . Maybe that's a stretch or a far cry from the real definitive purpose for those said lyrics, but hey, it's up for interpretation.

What do you think the song means . . . What would you incorporate those lyrics to being about?


~Kyra C.

Anywhere

Currently listening to "Anywhere" from Open Door by Evanescence and feeling a push towards escaping.  It's one of those quick changes in perception or perspective for that matter.  From happy to craze and mental defiance within an hours time.  I've avoided and disconnected all forms of communication, as a way of preventing myself from feeling that guilty splurge of energy coursing through the veins that normally run desiccated.  I cannot be the only individual trying to cope with reality . . . that just doesn't seem feasibly real . . .  Where does the focus become succinct?  Why is that switch, so effortless, when I want to seem normal?

If I ran, would I even decide to return?  At this point, I become indecisive to the change of heart - my heart.  It's as if focus is out of the window, unless I'm staging a brief appearance before the "crowd" - The apparent absent minded crowd that never sees what's really happening and just blindly goes their way.  I need that escape, sometimes . . . To run until I'm out of energy, then stop somewhere in isolation and just sit - Breathe, lie there and just breathe.  I want that, sometimes, I need that.  Maybe I'll surface . . . once I remember where I belong . . . I'm sure I belong, somewhere . . . Anywhere . . .

~Kyra C.

Losing It

So, it's officially almost four am and I am still awake . . . Yeah, so what else is new?  The thing is, I've been up and doing a lot of work, hitting save, constantly, all the while, trying to feel accomplished.  Just as I'm getting to that point, my computer decides to freeze, again - This has happened three times within  the past six days and I am totally at the point where if this doesn't stop, I might just SCREAM or throw something, which isn't the best way of dealing with these things, but what the heck!  As a University student, there's so much reliance on technology and when you're up to all extended time periods, working diligently, you only want things to go right and when they don't, it's as if you've lost all sense of reality.

My computer finally turned back on and I was waiting for it to show all my work, GONE, but it's not and I'm somewhat happy.  I know, I know, you're thinking I should be more joyous than that, but I know that sooner or later it's going to happen again, so I cannot begin the celebration just yet.  If ever . . . Back to this typing and hitting SAVE, every second and waiting patiently for everything to go black, or maybe just static, because even the blue screen is too afraid to appear on this screen.

~Kyra C.